I think it is kind of interesting that the background I use for my blog is someone who appears to be doing yoga. Something that requires great flexibility, focus, restraint, attention span and endurance. I may have focus but the rest of the qualities mentioned are not really things I am known for. None the less yoga to me has always represented balance- peace and harmony of one's mind, body and spirit. Something that while I am not very good at, has always been a goal of mine.
You may wonder what all that has to do with the book Eat, Pray, Love (since it's in the title of this blog). After all, I am not someone who is in my early thirties, feeling trapped in her marriage and desperate not to have children- ironically enough- I am a woman about to enter her thirties, happily married to someone whom most consider saint like for loving me seemingly unconditionally- and oh yeah- I really, really want children. So much so that I am willing to stick myself with needles to make it happen. The things that me and this author do have in common are our love for foreign languages that are romantic, love of travel and reading, studying and writing. Finally, the desire to truly know and understand our calling in this life. We are also both very emotional and have been reduced to bouts of sobbing on a bathroom floor in the middle of the night while we try to contemplate our various plights.
She begins a journey of self preservation that I find hauntingly familiar. The difference is that I did not have to divorce my husband and travel the world for a year. Rather, I got my ever expanding toosh to a diet center and began a somewhat lengthier process that I just recently realized I have not fully committed to- even 4 weeks before my life is potentially going to change forever. I did however fully commit to a different journey entirely. One that I think, no feel was crucial in order for my body to even begin to really and indefinitely heal. You can always shed some unwanted "junk in the trunk", build more muscle and drop a few dress sizes. If you don't deal with the issues that got you there- you are no better off than when the "weight loss" began.
I knew that if this was going to be for good- for real this time I was going to have to work a little harder and dig deeper then before.
I also took the advice of once of my friends and my sister and looked more into the ADHD diagnosis I had been given as a child- and decided to start taking medication for it- which greatly helped me focus and respond rather than react to stressful situations. Furthermore- an awesome and unexpected side effect- I no longer have night terrors so I actually get a good nights sleep.
I found an education program in Sacramento that would help guide me through the world of Autism intervention that I so wanted to be a part of. That series of courses afforded me an opportunity to see for myself where we had come from in research, development and training. I learned that I want to start when children early on- I learned that eventually I would like to work with older children to help with social and life skills so that if possible- these children have a real shot at adulthood on their own- I want to help people find their place in our society. I would not be the person I am today had it not been for the hand full of mentors that saw my potential and really worked with me to help me see it in myself. Something I fully realized a couple years ago as well is that the mentoring didn't stop just because I turned 18- or left college even. There have been mentors in my workplace as well. I do not know if these people will ever know how much they truly helped me to get where I am at today- but I do hope that one day I can help them or someone they know as a token for the doors and windows they have opened for me.
I sought help earlier this year to try and learn new coping skills in the event that I would be unable to take my meds for an extended period of time. While the counselor ultimately implied through a gesture that he could no longer take mine and my husbands money to see us any longer- he left his door open and I may have to walk through it again- who knows.
** Disclaimer** I am well aware that she visits Italy, INDIA and Indonesia, however I am reflecting and I indulge plenty in great food and wine, and I have the love of my life- so all I need to do is not take him for granted. Balance-Prayer- meditation- grace- those are the things that spoke to me in her journey- those are the things that I need to work on.
In reading Eat Pray Love I realized that the human experience for some of us, if not all of us (for many different reasons) is one that is filled with that one (or several in my case) outer body- snap out of it episodes that typically bring about radical changes in an attempt to break the monotony that we are convinced is causing us pain. I am very good at escaping reality by working ridiculous hours to prove that I am a good employee. I also bury my head in books to get that kind of release that I need when I especially frustrated with myself and my short comings (what can I say- I am a nerd who likes to learn about new things- especially relationships and how autistic and ADHD brains function since I am fascinated by this). Until the beginning of my "journey to a healthy me" however- I never read a novel for the sake of enjoyment of another's take on things- and what I found in Eat, Pray Love I hope I never forget.
I learned that yoga is more than exercise- more than restraint- more than self denial and pain. Yoga- real yoga- not just the stuff that is done in the gym is about connecting with your higher power- on a level that goes beyond Sunday morning- beyond the physical. Yoga is about getting right with yourself as a means to getting spiritually and mentally with your higher power (God if you will). Elizabeth Gilbert shares her experiences in an ashram in India where she learns how to rid her heart and her mind of her demons. It is not until this happens that she can begin to seek what is it she goes to India for.
This passage that is below is a set of instructions that she is given from another person at the ashram. I was so moved by this exercise that I have been working on the steps myself. I plan on getting in nature very soon to fully experience the exercise. I hope you find it as thought provoking as I have.
( The following is an excerpt from Eat Pray Love Elizabeth Gilbert- pg 184-185)
Instructions For Freedom
1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God's response. Let go, and watch the stars come out- on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.
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